Having been born and raised in a tent just outside Leavesden Mental Asylum where both my parents were inmates, I always knew I was special. Even when I was at school I stood out from the crowd, some said it was because I was wearing a potato sack and they all had uniforms but I say it was personality that seperated me from the pack.
After leaving school I struggled to make a living for a while until a chance encounter with a street walker in Watford High Street. After that I made my fortune from call girls paying me not to sleep with them.Â
Despite my new found wealth I was still very lonely until one day I met a blind, deaf, mute woman with no sense of smell and had two very ugly children with her. Alas her sense of smell returned and once again I found myself alone. So if you're very ugly and have no self respect, give me a call. I'll let you buy me dinner.
Some of the above might be slightly misleading or entirely untrue.Â
I was raised in Leavesden, just outside Watford England. That much was true. They filmed Goldeneye at Leavesden Studios actually. Fascinating huh? It was a Rolls Royce aeroplane engine plant when I lived there. The bit about the two children was true, maybe not the ugly part but when you look at their parents...what hope did they have?
These days above all I write comic fantasies and spoofs of the whole ridiculous fantasy genre. You can find my feeble scribblings at futilefantasycreations.co.uk along with some textures for use with Poser or Daz.  There's a real terrible film we made on there too. Go see!
My Stats
D.O.B: 1st March 1971.
Hair: A distant memory.
Gender: Ugly man.
That's it. I've said too much.
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