Mom and dad were going at hot and heavy. Mom was on top of dad when junior interrupted them, wanting to know what was going on. Thinking quickly, mommy told him "daddy has a big tummy, I am just trying to push it back down."

The boy gave her a dismissive gesture and walked away from the room. "Don't bother, mom," he said. "The lady next door will just blow it up again tomorrow."

What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre

What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic.

If someone hits you over the head with a coffee cup, have you been mugged?

Wanna hear a joke about a pizza? Oh never mind it's too cheesy [That's the problem pizza jokes - it's all in the delivery].

Doctor: I've got bad news and I have worse news.

Patient: Oh, my! Well, give me the bad news first...

Doctor: You've got 24 hours to live.

Patient: Oh my God! What news could possibly be worse than that?

Doctor: I forgot to tell you yesterday.

Patient: Doc, how long do I have to live?

Doctor: Five.

Patient: Five what?

Doctor: Four..... Three....

How can you tell when there's a singer at your door?

He can't find the key and comes in at the wrong time.

How do you get rid of the guitarist at your door?

Pay for the pizza.

Did you hear about the bass player who locked the keys in the van?

It took him two hours to get the drummer out.

What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend?

Homeless.

What do you say to a drummer with two black eyes?

Nothing. You told him twice.

Vladimir Putin’s name is not pronounced “pyoo-tin”.

We know this because putin is also the Russian for a metal gazunda, and it is pronounced, as might be inferred from the use to which a gazunda is put, as “poo-tin”.

Our gazundas are of higher quality, being made of china, and sometimes are decorated inside with witty sayings. That's democracy for you.

The difference between capitalism and communism...

In capitalism, man exploits man. In communism, it's the other way round.

How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

JUST ONE!!! AND IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!

What does a dog do that people step in?

Pants.

What ends in -it and is found at the bottom of a bird cage?

Grit.

What does a dog do on 3 legs, a man does standing and a woman does sitting?

Shake hands.

Guitarist terminology for the beginner:

Volume control: A device which regulates the output of a guitar, and which must always be set on 10.

Vibrato arm: A system for varying the pitch of the strings during playing, and which returns the strings to almost the correct pitch after use.

Take six: "Colin, you STUPID bastard!"

Drum solo: Cigarette and pee break.

Keyboardist: Insufferable control freak and paranoic bastard.

Bass Player: Our slightly simple brother in strings.

Drummer: Cognitively challenged bringer of scrap metal.

Drum Machine: More intelligent than drummer, since you only have to punch the information in once.

Other guitarist: Nowhere near as good as me.

Better a sister in a whore house than a brother in a band, eh Sam?

Coming from a guitar/bass/drummer/keyboardist/singer....

My avatar tells you all you need to know about me. I know what a bunch of flakes we are. :)

My old avatar on here was me holding a right handed strat copy I restrung lefty. I looked like a photo negative of Jimi. Coincidentally, I share a birthday with him and Bruce Lee...

Cool. There are worse people to share your birthday with and I should know. April 20.

Buddy of mine brought his lefty Strat copy here a few days ago for me to give the once over. Just needed a squirt of contact cleaner and new strings. Had a little fun playing it, me being strongly right handed.

I always make people do a double take when I hold a right handed guitar because I can play it upside down with no problems. I started out that way with my right handed step father's guitars....

Back to the topic, and seasonal...

Render making by an open fire

Load another scene and pose

Turn the dial make the sizes go higher

On good old Vicky without clothes.

Everybody knows

A temple and a great big sword

Always makes the picture right

Giant boobies, floating feet and cross eyes

And a thousand badly placed spotlights.

And in the gallery today

We'll see some oversize mammaries on display

And every Poser fan will criticize

Saying, "They really should be much bigger sized".

So I'm rendering another one

With norks so big it can't be true

And though it's been done many times, many days

We love Vicky, we love Vicky, nekkid Vicky, we do.

I'm on a roll. This one is to the tune of "Rudolph"...

Aly the Poser 9 girl had a face like broken bricks

And if you ever saw it, it would likely make you sick

All of the Poser people used to laugh and make her sad

They said she was so ugly, she could make fresh milk go bad.

Then one day somebody said, "This will make your day...

Aly with your face so shite, Blackhearted will make you right!"

Now she's a happy dolly, looking every inch a babe

Great legs and lovely boobies, buns and face all thanks to Gabe!

No love for my Christmas songs? Boo hoo. :(

Hehe, great song! Love esther

SamTherapy posted at 10:44AM Sat, 10 December 2016 - #4291938

No love for my Christmas songs? Boo hoo. :(

You should record them and post the mp3's.... :D

I think Bob Rivers has the market cornered there.

I'm dressing up like Santa when I get out on parole!!!! Hahahaha!!!!

Here, however, is another...

I'm not a merry gentleman I'm getting quite dismayed

I really hope this render will be finishing today

Been watching now for sixteen hours and has it done? No way!

Oh sad tidings, I'm not a happy boy, happy boy

You could say I'm not a very happy boy.

The kids think dad's a loony and the wife says I'm a creep

Don't know the last time I had food, the last time I had sleep

The bucket size is tiny now, it makes me want to weep

Oh sad tidings, I'm not a happy boy, happy boy

You could say that I'm a very hacked off boy

I need to get a new machine with tons of memory

And petabytes of hard disk space sounds pretty good to me

Then I can render everything and still have time for tea

And I'll be an extremely happy boy, happy boy

I will be an absolutely happy boy.

We need a like button....

Love these songs. You should write for SM.

I'll write S&M if they pay me enough.

Anyhow, thank you. Feel free to pass them around if you so desire.

BTW, I'm a songwritist and guitarer so I'm right great with words, me. As you can tell.

Ah doesn't haves a college edumacation, but ah kin reat. Mostly.