1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me! 4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. 7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. 8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. 10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing. 11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine. 13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many. 14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it! 18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up. 19.. Procrastinate Now! 20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? 21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. 23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! 24..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. 25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead. 26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

:D

A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home. One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled. The guy limps up to the stoner and says "Call me an ambulance!" The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, "You're an ambulance!" ________________________________________________ Drunken Confession Two drunks are at a bar, drinking up a storm. One drunk says to the other drunk, Did you sleep with my wife last night? To which the other drunk replies, Not a wink. ________________________________________________ rother is A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!" ________________________________________________

:) Great one, I gotta remember that!

on a tech community site where I am a member, they have a tradition of posting a friday yuk thread. everyone is welcome to post jokes and comments. I figured, writers forum, it's not completely o/t to do something similar. ( jokes are writing aren't they? ;) ) feel free to jump in with any jokes you have that don't violate the tos. :) ( the hard part.. keeping them in line with the tos. )