Filter: Safe | Wed, Jul 1, 8:13 PM CDT

Entry #30

She just stared at the blank computer screen. The cursor was blinking on and off in its regular beat. Even that constant blink was driving her frustration. IT was doing what it was supposed to do without any problems. 'Why will the words not come?' It was not as if this was the first time that she had sat in front of this screen. She had done this before. She had lost count of how many times. This was no different than any of those times. OK, maybe it was slightly different, but it certainly was not a reason for the words to suddenly dry up. Her hand slowly moved to the glass of water on the top of the desk. She took a long, slow drink. Her eyes went back to watching the cursor. The blankness and whiteness of the screen was like a blinding light driving the words from her mind. 'This is crazy!' She grabbed her long brown hair in both hands and pretended to yank it out. She bent her head down to rest her forehead on to the top of the desk. As she looked at the keyboard in front of her, it seemed to fade into the distance. The keys lost their letters. She shook her head. 'I am losing my mind.' She rose to her feet sharply. The chair was sent rolling back. 'A walk. Maybe if I walk away from the screen the words will come to me.' She moved away from the screen. She needed room to think. She started to follow the circular pattern of the rug on the floor. She would try anything to get her focus back on the moment. Her eyes glanced up at the clock on the wall behind the desk. She knew that it was impossible, but seconds appeared to be going faster the longer she looked. Time was running down. She was due to be there in just a few hours. The most important day of her life and she was feeling like she was trapped inside a paper bag. As she watched, the computer was bathed in a spotlight of sunlight. It came through the horizontal blinds covering the window. Strips were cast across the monitor like a strange attempt at a mask. The light drew her attention to the window. It was as if she had been hypnotised by it. She walked across to the window slowly. She cracked the blinds down slightly. The outside world was a completely different picture. It was calm and full of life. Not stuffy and constraining like her office. Her heart swelled. The sun beamed down from bright blues skies to cast warmth on all of those below it. Young children laughed, cried, shouted and screamed as they played in a park playground. An elderly man and woman slowly ambled down the sidewalk arm-in-arm, using each other as a support. They passed a young mother pushing her baby in its pram. A businesswoman walked across the street busy talking away on her mobile. A man sat on a park bench tossing some pieces of bread at a flock of birds around him. Those same birds sung out at the top of their voices and filled the air with song. Amongst all of this a jogger weaved his way through the crowds blissfully pumping his arms and legs to the beat playing through his headset. Now, she remembered. Now, the words came to her. Now, she understood why she had gone through all of the headaches, backstabbing and power struggles. She had walked through the darkest places and dug into the deepest pits of human emotions and characteristics, but had come out into the light on the other side. When she returned to the computer desk her hands went straight to the keys and she started to type. 'It is an honour and a privilege for me to accept the duty and responsibility that this position involves...' In the background a news report came up on the television set that had been left on for company. "The main news headline today has to be the inauguration of the next President of the United States of America. We shall be live at the Whitehouse in a few hours time to witness the ceremony to swear in Senator Gail Kinsey as the first female President."

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