Fri, May 17, 1:21 AM CDT

Marooned Part 1/Lockheart'sJournal

Writers Science Fiction posted on Jul 13, 2003
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Description


Was it only a few days or a week since the guidance system failed, forcing me to crash on this silent planet? The constant dusk of this place makes it hard to preserve any sense of time. I've slept off and on. Is that a sign of time or trauma? The Wormhole that brought me here is a distant memory now and the ship's clock failed as it was hurled through a vortex that turned every system into a non-functional mirror image of itself. Since the crash, the emergency beacon has been as silent as the air around me, yet somewhere inside its small black box, I can feel it hum. All the ships systems seem locked in silent dialog with themselves. My only companions are a group of ancient stone heads that I'd hoped from the air might be an island. Beyond them lies an endless plane of shallow water. The water, if that is what it is, stretches clear and dead, merging almost seamlessly with the horizon in every direction. The sand of its dense bluish bottom swallows every shuffle of my feet. It is a perfect match for the still, windless air. Nothing moves. Nothing appears to live. I have a strange absence of hunger and thirst here. Perhaps, like the ship's instruments, there are parts of me that fail to speak except to themselves. Like my thoughts, everything echoes only on the inside, speaking one word over and over

Comments (5)


tjames

6:18AM | Mon, 14 July 2003

As a vignette its excellent. It makes one want to know what happened before and after. I would suggest changing you depth of field on the background in the picture. The stone heads look like there right there in the ship with her instead of outside, at least that was my first impression.

Sealynx

1:40PM | Mon, 14 July 2003

Thanks TJ, I wrote that on the fly and have re-edited it to be more like a diary entry. Perhaps I will post more of the tale with additional pictures. S

Purah

11:51PM | Tue, 15 July 2003

This is a very nice piece indeed. Watch out for reflexive pronouns...sometimes they work nicely other times they distract. I think you'd have a bit more punch in two of your lines if you dropped them: "All the ships systems seem locked in silent dialog (with themselves)." & "Perhaps, like the ship's instruments, there are parts of me that fail to speak (except to themselves)." The portions in parentheses, I feel could be omitted. Aside from that, this is an excellent little read. Please post more if you are able.

)

BellaMorte

2:07AM | Thu, 17 July 2003

This is good. I could feel the loneliness. Looking forward to reading more (of this and/or other stuff from you).

Sealynx

3:31PM | Sun, 20 July 2003

Thanks Purah, I'm the worlds worst at editing my work the same day I write it! Have gone back and edited a few times. Your suggestions were excellent. Glad you like BellaMorte, more on the way. S


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