The Last Time We Say Goodbye by marty622
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Description
The unexpected ringing of my telephone throws off my concentration tonight...
"Hello?" I hurry onto the line without checking who
Comments (1)
tjames
I feel you're straining the barrier between a vignette and a poem. It appears to be more prose-like so I consider that its a vignette. It would probably read better in a paragraph form. Put more intensity in the hanging moments between the dialogue and you'll hit the mark. This is an excellent scene, the poetic fails, the prosaic torch would fare better.