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Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. ~Edna St Vincent Millay
Normally, I consider myself a pretty positive, strong person. I don't normally wallow in the past, and I try to look for the bright side in the present. Overall, my life is very happy. However, I had a really emotionally rough day yesterday. This image is what came from my funk.
I found myself longing. Longing for the days when my Dad was alive and healthy. Longing for the days when my Mother was healthy, vibrant, very active, and not in chronic pain. Longing for the days when my sister (my only sibling, to whom I thought I was very close) still spoke to her family of origin. I was longing for the days before she abdicated all responsibilities for everything but her own selfishness (including dropping 100% of any care for her one remaining elderly parent onto my shoulders, alone). Longing for the days when I could just talk to my sister and enjoy her company as my friend. She hasn't spoken to either me or our mother for over six months now, and no, I've never had any altercation with her at all. She simply yelled at my mother and stopped speaking to both of us. I guess I'm just "collateral damage" through no fault of my own. I miss her. Yesterday, my longing was great. However, today is another, much more positive day. :)
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Cemetery - Gaetan Blanchette