Hysterically TrueGod Help Me The telephone’s ringing, the baby is crying And little by little, my spirit is dying Then a dear friend walks thru the door, Trips on a toy that was left on the floor The telephones ringing, my son wants to eat, While another has nothing to put on his feet! 500 socks! And not one of them match! And now the baby has upset the trash. A neighbor reports that my child has been lying, And little by little, my spirit is dying I hum a song under my breath, Hoping my friend doesn’t notice the mess, Only one hour into my day, Dear Lord, I must have forgotten to pray. The dryer broke down, the telephone’s ringing, I hear the glad voice of my dear daughter singing. Three of her friends have spent the night, And they laugh and frolic in sheer delight. I remember a meeting that begins in an hour, But my feeble mind has just lost its power To function in the midst of all this confusion, Do you think perhaps it is just an illusion? Now in my bedroom, I pull on my dress, Glance in the mirror, oh what a mess! I grab for a comb or even a brush Try very hard not to look rushed. Another report! My son smoked some pot! I don’t know if I should believe it or not. They found the baby eating some glue. And I hear a voice shouting, “We’re out of shampoo”! My friend seems uptight and the baby is missing, The toilet is running and the tea kettle is hissing A boy clad in a towel appears in the hall, Asking if so and so happened to call. When upon shattered eardrums rings an anthem of joy, I forgot to put gas in the car, says the boy. I hope the Lord lets the van run on fumes, And I reach out to swat his “Fruit of the Looms” By now I must be 10 minutes late, And hurry to scrape the eggs off a plate. When up from the heart rises a prayer of thanksgiving I’m glad to be me-and I’m glad to be living! To be of sad heart would be my own choosing, Just think of the blessings I would be losing And with the Lord as my strength, It’s not all that confusing. God in his mercy once again sets me straight And with praise on my lips, who cares if I’m late! Good-bye, Mom! I hear them all say. We’ll watch the baby without any pay!