My English wasn't quite up to the task this time, so I had to call in some outside assistance. In other words: I wrote the story in German and then made the internet translate it for me. I have tried to keep the humor and the original tone intact. Hopefully, nothing important got lost in translation. Except, perhaps, a little dignity. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Meeresgeist continued to glide through the depths. Slowly. Very slowly. And roughly in the direction they believed they were supposed to be going—and where they suspected the enemy might be. For quite some time, nothing happened. Which was initially rather reassuring. Then it slowly became boring. And eventually, Otto Barsch began showing the first signs of physical restlessness. By now, he had stood up for the third time, sat down again, and then proceeded to stare at the torpedo triggers with almost childlike curiosity. “How long does a combat mission usually take?” Albrecht looked at him. “How should I know?” “You're the commander.” “We're the first submarine in the fleet.” Otto thought about that. “Then I suppose it lasts until something goes wrong.” Albrecht said nothing. Otto nodded. “So not much longer.” The Meeresgeist continued to glide. Then Willi suddenly stopped. He had been carefully watching the glass dome the entire time. Which, underwater, mainly meant that he had been watching water. A lot of water. “Captain.” Albrecht turned to him. “What?” “There’s something ahead.” Everything immediately went quiet. Even Otto sat up straight and looked ahead hopefully. Albrecht pushed Willi out of the cramped dome so he could have a look himself. At first, he saw nothing. Then he looked again and saw nothing. And then... Sure enough! There was something. A dark shape. Up ahead. Otto was instantly wide awake. “A ship?” he asked. “No idea.” “A rock?” “No idea.” “A whale?” “No idea.” Otto nodded. “Then it's probably an enemy ship.” Albrecht looked at him. “What makes you think that?” Otto shrugged. “A whale would be more graceful and not stupid enough to come near us.” Surprisingly, that wasn't the worst argument Albrecht had heard that day. “Surface,” he ordered. “But quietly.” Willi looked at him. “Quietly?” Albrecht thought about it for a moment. “As quietly as this boat is capable of.” Fritze grimaced. “Then perhaps we should all get out first.” Albrecht ignored him. “Surface.” The Meeresgeist slowly began to rise. Very slowly. At first, nothing happened. Then something inside the boat began to squeak. A pipe knocked. A valve hissed. And the steam engine, which had been silent for some time, suddenly made a noise for reasons nobody could explain: Tock. Everyone looked at Fritze. “What was that?” Fritze shrugged. “Probably nothing.” “Probably?” Tock. Fritze thought about it for a moment. “At least nothing new.” The Meeresgeist continued to rise. Another meter. Then another. Finally, the glass dome broke through the surface. Willi wiped the fogged glass with his sleeve. “I see something.” Albrecht stepped closer. There really was a ship in the distance. Or at least something that, in the poor light, looked remarkably convincing as one. An old sailing ship. Large. Dark. With several masts. Large paddle wheels were mounted on its sides, and somewhere at the stern a thin trail of smoke was rising. “What kind of ship is that?” Otto asked. Nobody knew. That was unfortunate. After all, the Imperial Navy had a very clear idea of what should be done with enemy ships. They should be sunk. It was just helpful to know beforehand whether the ship in question was actually an enemy ship. Albrecht thought for a moment. “What is that thing?” Willi studied the ship. “A sailing ship.” Otto shook his head. “It has wheels.” “Then it's a ship with wheels.” “That's unusual.” “Otto.” “Yes?” “We are sitting in a steam-powered tin can underwater.” Otto thought about that. “True.” A brief pause. “Then I suppose that thing is still unusual.” Albrecht looked over again. The ship lay quietly on the water and apparently hadn't noticed them yet. At least, Albrecht hoped so. Considering the amount of noise the Meeresgeist had made while surfacing, it was entirely possible that they had already been watching her for ten minutes and were simply too polite to sink her immediately. “Can we tell who it belongs to?” Willi shook his head. “Too dark.” “Flag?” “Can't see one.” Otto leaned forward. “I can see someone standing back there.” Albrecht looked more closely. “Where?” “There.” “That could be anyone.” “Looks hostile, though.” “How can you tell?” Otto thought about it for a moment. “He's standing there pretty hostile, I think.” Albrecht closed his eyes for a moment, then took a deep breath. “We're moving into position.” Otto beamed. “Are we shooting now?” “Not yet.” Otto looked disappointed. “But soon?” Albrecht looked at the unknown ship. Then at the two torpedo tubes. Then back at the ship. “Soon.” Otto nodded happily and made a sound that could have expressed either boundless joy or complete madness. They slowly began to work their way toward the ship. Willi stood at the controls. Albrecht watched the target. Fritze took care of the engine. Otto took care of nothing. He simply stood beside the torpedoes and waited. After several minutes, they were in position. “Distance?” Albrecht asked. Willi looked out. “Maybe two hundred meters.” “Good.” Otto was already raising his hand. “Which tube?” Albrecht pointed at the upper one. “That one.” Otto nodded. “Why the upper one?” “Because the lower one is underneath it.” Otto thought about that. “That makes sense.” Albrecht was about to say something when Fritze gave the next instruction. “Wind up the torpedo.” Otto grabbed the crank and started turning. Once. Twice. Ten times. Otto slowly turned red in the face. “How long do I have to crank this?” Fritze shrugged. “Until it's ready.” “How do I know when that is?” “It should sound different at some point.” Otto stopped. “What does it sound like now?” They both listened. The torpedo went: Tick. Otto looked at Fritze. “That was different.” Fritze nodded. “Then it's probably ready.” “Open the torpedo doors.” Otto pulled a lever. Klonk. Nothing happened. He pulled again. KRRRRRRAAAAAANG. With a noise like someone dismantling a rusty wardrobe underwater by beating it with a fully loaded cutlery drawer, the doors swung open. Water immediately began pouring into the tube. Otto looked inside. “This can't be good. The torpedo is getting all wet now.” “That's supposed to happen,” Fritze said. “Are you sure?” Fritze looked at his notes. “Pretty sure.” Meanwhile, Albrecht stood in the glass dome, gritting his teeth. Considering the amount of noise they had made getting this far, he was almost expecting to see signal lights from the other ship saying: “Please keep it down. We're trying to sleep.” But the strange ship still lay quietly on the water. No movement. No alarm. No suspicion. Perfect. Otto's eyes suddenly lit up. “Then I can get the gun ready!” “What? No!” Albrecht said. But Otto was already on his way. He climbed back toward the stern gun and began enthusiastically pulling levers, turning cranks, and generally fiddling with anything that looked remotely turnable. Klonk. Ratsch. Clang. Albrecht flinched. “Otto!” “Everything under control!” KRRRANG! Albrecht looked at Fritze. “What is he doing?” “Getting the gun ready.” “Can he do that?” Fritze shrugged. “He's never done it before.” Albrecht rolled his eyes in annoyance before looking back at Fritze. “Is the torpedo ready?” Fritze listened for a moment. Tick. He nodded. “Doesn't sound broken, at least.” Albrecht closed his eyes briefly, then reached for the trigger. “Fire.” From the stern, Otto yelled: “I'M NOT FINISHED YET!” Albrecht pressed the trigger. KLONK! For a moment, nothing happened. Then the upper torpedo shot out of the tube. With a loud SPLASH! and a clearly visible trail of bubbles and churned-up water. FSSSSSSSCH! The torpedo shot forward. A trail of bubbles stretched through the water behind it. Straight ahead. Very straight ahead. Directly toward the strange ship. To be continued in Part 4... (Image render in DAZ)