Filter: Safe | Sat, Jul 4, 12:31 AM CDT

Entry #5

Tony rests his foot on the fire hydrant out back of His club Condor’s; as he thinks to himself: I wonder just how I got myself mixed up in this business? Going from a poor snot-nosed kid, always being picked on and called shorty to one of the most powerful men alive? I have it all. I am it all! I’m hated and loved, feared but respected, fierce but compassionate. All the woman desire to be with me. And why not? Look at me! The finest clothes that money can buy, and a good looking man to boot. I have it all. But still there’s this feeling of loneliness. That’s what they say though. It’s lonely at the top. I have no real friends. There just sniveling cowards that latch onto me like filter fish to a shark. They’re all afraid of what I could do to them. And the girls, they’re even worse. "Look at my tacky clothes and overly painted up faces". Please all you are to me is a way to past time. You think your special just because you’ve been with Tony Zearta, the big man. Well so have hundreds before. The only woman that’s ever held my heart, is my dear old mama, God rest her sole. Now that was a real woman. She was a mean old bird, but she had to be. My father, what a pig. The way he would treated us. That’s not a man that’s a coward. Lucky for him though, that his stone cold heart gave out. I’d give him what for. I’d love to see him beg and plead, just as mama did. Beg like a dog, I’d yell. That sure would be great. Too bad though, I won’t get that pleasure. Oh well, I look back now and it all seems a hundred years ago. I’ve risen above all that now. So why is it I feel like a man alone on the moon? Just floating through life. Making a life off others sweat and tears. But hey that’s ok. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. If it weren’t for me this whole town would fall apart. They need me. You’d think they’d show a little gratitude? Give willingly, instead they make me work for everything I deserve. I help them in their time of need and what do I get? A headache and a ulcer, that’s what. I ought to leave town this town and all the scum that infest it. Then maybe I could retire. Enjoy life, travel. No worries. Like that will ever happen, no sir not in this lifetime. I’m here to stay, that is until someone decides they can do a better job and puts me out of this misery. What a life. What a .... (Paula calls out from the back doorway), "Hey Tony, Marty’s inside says he’s got word on that job he was working on." Tony, " Yea, yea I’m comin." Someone’s got to do it, might as well be me.

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