Your fearful narrator thought little of people walking door-to-door to peddle their wares, inquire after surveys, or commit to higher callings. Perhaps on any day but Tuesday they were right to do so. That day, however, they were wrong. Welcome is a tale about someone turning away an unwanted solicitor with a joke that ends with a flight from their mortal coil. Inspired by the delectably flowery prose of H.P. Lovecraft with a humorous tone to ease the strain of existential terror, this story should open a door to a generation of horror too many now consider 'stuffy'.