Tribute to My Mother (1934-2007) by ShadowWind ()
Members remain the original copyright holder in all their materials here at Renderosity. Use of any of their material inconsistent with the terms and conditions set forth is prohibited and is considered an infringement of the copyrights of the respective holders unless specially stated otherwise.
My mother died this week, her obitiary with the others in the local newspaper. For the last few years, I've helped my father take care of her. She had diabetic neuropathy, which filled her with pain, and yet she always had a sense of humor. She loved corny jokes, the cornier the better. And yet despite all of her pain, she would go out of her way to be strong for those that loved her. She was a beacon of light in a sometimes murky darkness. In our family's hardest times, she was always there to be that shoulder to cry on, that voice of reason and comfort in a sometimes chaotic world.
She wasn't materialistic, she liked TV, amazed at the advent of TIVO (or any new fangled gadget). But she loved TIVO in particular because it gave her the opportunity to record her soaps and enjoy her favorite pasttime, which was sitting outside watching the birds, squirrels and cats that visit their yard. She truly loved the simple things in life, good conversation, the wonder of nature, and the latest news of the world. She wanted to learn all there was to learn, even if she didn't always understand it.
It's been two days and I am trying to be strong for my father, but he is better at this then I am. He's learned through his sometimes hard life how to zone out the painful. This is the first time, however, in my life I've ever seen him cry. They were married 45 years. As for me, I still can't sleep. I haven't really slept since it happened, and barely have eaten. The memory of her on her death bed, in the hospital, a shell of the woman she was, her organs shutting down, tubes stuck in her all over, her still eyes, still haunt my mind. Perhaps it is because for the first time, I've ever seen death up close and personal. I wasn't there when my father called the ambulance, but I wonder if I had been, could I have done something different, to save her. The doctors say no, that it was a freak thing that had no way to be predicted. Nothing that could have been done.
But now I'm left with a void that I'm not sure will ever refill. I love my family and they are a great comfort to me, but my mom was always my rock. When I had issues to deal with, she was there to help me through them. Even if it only meant a kind word or a word of her undying optimism. I know they say that time heals all wounds, but it's hard to see that now. My only comfort is that she had no pain, no time to fear the reaper's blade. She always said when it was her time, it was her time. They say that death is but a turn of the page in the chapters of our existence. Considering she loved reading, I hope whatever is on the next page is some place where she can find peace and happiness. She certainly deserved it. And the world lost one of it's great lights.
I'm not sure why I'm writing this in public. I guess I hope it will help ease the sorrow by expressing it, and I know I am among friends. In just getting down the words, it has already set a small part of the sadness on a train towards hope.
Thank you for reading, listening and being friends throughout the years. I miss you all dearly in my absenses.
The image was taken with my camera on a day I was sitting outside with her.
Image Comments (21)
Richardphotos () 9:26PM | Mon, 20 August 2007
you have my condolences on your loss.very beautiful and symbolic sky
ACS-001 () 9:36PM | Mon, 20 August 2007
Time doesn't really heal all wounds, but it helps you get used to the pain until it's almost unnoticable, at least that's how it is with me. I don't know you, and I won't presume to know what you're going through, but I am sorry and I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I don't know much so I can't give much advice. Maybe bleeding some of the pain away through your art will help -- it doesn't work much for me but it seems to work okay for alot of other people. Take care. It is a nice photo. The tiny bird at the top seems to be flying out of the clouds, lending the whole thing a kind of poetic feel.
-BrandyE- () 9:48PM | Mon, 20 August 2007
what a moving tribute to what sounds like a really remarkable soul. thank you so much for sharing her light with us. that love and light will always surround you. you have my deepest, most heartfelt condolenses on your loss. i will keep you and your father in my prayers.
davidoblad () 9:59PM | Mon, 20 August 2007
My greatest condolences Louis. I've lost several close ones. My wife, married 31 years, and my father. Dad lingered in pain for many years, so it was with a sense of relief when He passed. My Wife went suddenly with no warning and way too young. That almost sent me to suicide, My heartbreak was so terrible. So believe me when I say I understand. I'm not very religious, Bible wise. But I do believe in an after life existence. I believe your loved ones can hang around for as long as they wish. They will visit you in your dreams and whisper to you at odd times daily. They stick around to watch you and can actually help you sometimes. You will need to help your father though this. He will need your support. She may have passed over, but she's not completely gone. You will be hearing from her on occasion.. believe me. She won't abandon you until your strong enough to continue. Even then, she will still visit. And you will know it when she does. It's something I learned and wasn't taught. I hope this helps a bit. Anyway, again.. my greatest sympathies to you and your family my friend. Blessings from Dave :^)
liltawen () 10:33PM | Mon, 20 August 2007
A lovely photo with the 1 lit bird in the distance;and moving tribute.
OldHippieKeyboard () 10:53PM | Mon, 20 August 2007
Beautiful photo and a wonderful tribute. My condolences to you and your family ... just know she's no longer in pain and is now watching over you.
MrsLubner () 11:41PM | Mon, 20 August 2007
I lost both my parents within 3 months of each other. I found there is a hole, a void left inside of you when a parent passes. It is an emptiness that is never filled but it does become smaller with time. I can tell you loved your mother very much. She sounds like a special person. I think she would like the way you remember her. Lovely photo.
Moebius87 () 12:23AM | Tue, 21 August 2007
My heart is moved by your deep loss and I am touched by the beauty and strength of your mother's soul. Our prayers of solace and strength stretch out to you across the ether to offer some small comfort during this time of grief and loss. Be still. And you will hear her voice join all the angels of creation. Be happy for she has found her peace, my friend.
lemonjim () 12:50AM | Tue, 21 August 2007
I'm glad you wrote that. My heart is pulled by what it so carefully said. Please accept my condolences and remember, although we were never acquainted, my favorite thing about her, is what she made, brought up and left with us - you!
mikero451 () 2:31AM | Tue, 21 August 2007
ShadowWind, that is a beautiful, spiritual photo. It is as if your Mom's wonderful soul is soaring high above and yet still offering warm love and comfort to her child here on earth. My own Mom died on December 5, 2004, my Dad the previous year on a cold, snowy February night. I miss them both more than I can say! We were all so close... Yesterday an old man came shuffling up to me at a local shopping center as I stopped on a bench to rest. He looked so much like my Dad that it brought tears to my eyes! It is part of life that we will miss them but it is also part of life that their love never dies. They are still our "Moms and Dads". May you find comfort in your love for your dear, sweet Mom. :*-)
Paul Francis () 3:39AM | Tue, 21 August 2007
I lost my my Mum, brother father and nephew one after the other....loss like this leaves a bottomless pit of anguish right in the core of your being, to which you return again and again and stare into. Over time, that pit begins to fill up - the things that fill it are memories of the loved one and the good times together and time itself. Don't try to rush it, it will eventually subside. Your mother wouldn't want it any other way.
BrokenWings () 5:18AM | Tue, 21 August 2007
You have my condolences. I know the pain all to well of losing a mother, mine has been gone now almost 3 years, and the ache is still there, I miss her so much. I love my family, but my mother, she was my best friend, my rock, and without her I am so lonely. Your tribute is very beautiful.
danob () 12:13PM | Tue, 21 August 2007
My condolences my friend ... While it was a happy occasion to view your work again
che18530 () 8:30PM | Sat, 08 September 2007
Dear Shadow, I am so sorry for the late hour in my reply to the loss of your mother. I do feel your grief as I know that it is as real today as it was the day she passed. It takes quite a while to move through the days with greater ease, but you will...eventually. It was and still is the same for me. I love you my friend! Take care and know that you are always in my prayers and in my heart! Cheryl
Rendered2Blue () 1:37AM | Mon, 15 October 2007
So sad to hear of your loss. You have given a beautiful and touching honor to your mother. It says a lot about how much she loved and was loved. Place your hand where your heart is, and know that, that is where your mother placed her love. She will always be with you, always.
Digimon () 7:07AM | Wed, 28 November 2007
So sorry to hear about your loss. Losing loved ones is always painful, but losing ones parents has to be the most difficult. She did have a good long life, and she raised a wonderful and talented child.
Iceshark39 () 9:25PM | Wed, 09 December 2009
I know the commenting on this is a bit late, but, the feelings, I assure you, are sincere. Deepest sympathies to you and yours for your loss. The loss of a parent is never an easy thing, especially if its a parent you're close to. I hope that you find solice in the memories of your Mother on her good days, and don't dwell, if you can, on the bad. Those we have loved and lost are never really gone, so long as we remember them. Deepest sympathies.