Life Downside Up's Actual Origin by Pixy13 ()
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During December I began to experience the early signs of depression.
As a general and almost soothing numbness took over me and I started slowly losing interest in anything and everything that I cared about.
Throughout December this numbness began to grow deeper and more pronounced, slowly every ounce of passion drained from me.
Steadily I slid deeper and deeper into this odd emotionless void and a new problem started to appear in the form of anxiety attacks, sometimes just a few moments long or in bad cases a few minutes long, my mind was slowly starting to crush itself.
An obvious question would be why I didn’t tell anyone? The answer to that is actually fairly simple…
1 I didn’t fully understand what was starting to happen and certainly not the extent of it and couldn’t explain it.
2 I couldn’t explain what I was feeling to people because in utter truth I didn’t feel anything, no happiness or sadness, anger or joy I just slowly became vacant and almost emotionally dead.
3 I have never been good at talking about myself.
January came along and the anxiety attacks worsened, growing harder and longer in duration, sometimes lasting hours and on a few occasions for days.
Paranoia was being fuelled by depression and anxiety and manifesting as crushing thoughts in my head and slowly I began to push everyone away from me.
Unable to explain to anyone or even myself what was happening to me I started to write a story, almost telling myself my own story and thoughts in a third person format.
On days that my mind was at its darkest I wrote the darker parts of the story on days where I felt okay I wrote the nicer parts of the story. Compiling them as emails to myself which I then rearranged and turned into an actual story.
Writing has become an active vent to help get things out of my head and into the open, even if that is in a very unusual format.
With each part that comes out into a written format I suddenly seem to have an ability to talk about it, it’s a third person version so kinda not really talking about myself at all.
Six months on I have an almost completed book fuelled by my own mind's crushing, nauseating and destructive thoughts all based upon a third person account of my ongoing battle with depression.
Some Days even getting out of bed is hard, others are okay, it’s a strange thing?
Six months on I still have far from won any wars with my depression but having now sought help I am turning the tide slowly.
My recommendation to anyone else?
If you can talk to someone about it, then talk about it.
If like me you can't then.
Find a vent and get things out of your head so that you can talk about them, even if that is in a third person format.
Life Downside Up, has been my vent for all the strange things going on within my mind,
Fae's story is based upon these challenging times that I have endured for the last six months
Image Comments (2)
JohnnyM () 7:46AM | Tue, 01 June 2021
What you wrote is as emotional as this very beautiful art portrait! Your work in this render is simply amazing! You are fast becoming a master of your craft! Here is a toast to life and may it bring forth all the good that life has to offer you! There will always be better days ahead! I know that for certain for I have experienced it myself! Cheers to a good life for you my friend! :-)