Fri, Mar 29, 10:01 AM CDT

Hot Chocolate

Writers Science Fiction posted on Apr 01, 2021
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Description


Jack fidgeted as he watched the brightly lit hallway below. “That lady said she was bringing hot chocolate and biscuits. What’s taking so long?” Tan glanced up from the old wooden chest where he was looking for the blankets. “Be patient, she’ll bring your hot chocolate.” “She's really nice to let us stay in the attic,” said Jack. “How’d you do it without any money?” Tan gently lowered the lid on the chest; the blankets weren’t in this one. “I have to patch a few holes in the roof tomorrow, and you’re painting a fence.” “Oh, that’s really smart. I just slept in ditches and ate rotten apples I found on the ground.” Jack leaned so far over the attic access that he almost fell through. He grabbed the edges of the floor and pushed himself back. “I told you not to lean over the opening,” said Tan. Jack grunted. “You sound like my dad.” “He must be a very smart man,” Tan quipped. Jack understood the joke and grinned, it was nice having someone to talk with after all the weeks he’d been alone and on the run. “After you drink your hot chocolate, I want you to go downstairs and take a bath, you smell like a goat. The lady has a set of her sons old pajamas for you to wear while she washes those filthy rags you have on.” Jack lay out flat on the floor and stuck his head down through the access door to look for the promised hot chocolate. He wasn’t going to argue about taking a bath, or doing some chores tomorrow. This was the first time he’d felt safe since he’d fallen through the gate. Maybe everything was going to be okay. *** Special Notes, edited after posting: You know, in hindsight, this does look a little creepy. It's supposed to be Jack waiting anxiously for his promised hot chocolate to arrive. Tan turns and sees Jack teetering dangerously at the edge of the attic access door, and then sees Jack nearly fall. Tan then takes on a sort of fatherly role at that point at says, 'I told you not to lean over the opening.' Tan then goes on to instruct Jack that he would be doing chores tomorrow, and that he'd be taking a bath after he drinks his hot chocolate. All of this is to show why Jack subconsciously sought out the right person to provide him something he's been desperately needing since he got lost. Hence, Tan's purpose in the story. However, what it ended up looking like is a crazed serial killer in the attic with his victim, and the victim trying to decide if he can jump to safety. I guess I should have added a spotlight to remove the sinister shadows from Tan's face. Meh, okay, well, see the story you like best and run with it. It's all good. P.S. Since this isn't the book, but just a storyboard, I'll give you a hint. Tan wasn't intro'd at the start of the story, making Tan an ancillary character. The ancillary character is part of the primary character's support system. However, things don't always end well for later intro'd ancillary characters. Tan might as well be wearing a red shirt. (if you don't know that reference, google: redshirt stock character). This doesn't mean Tan's fate is sealed, it will depend on his potential usefulness in later chapters. However, Tan should probably be very wary of tigers.

Comments (13)


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uncollared

6:32AM | Thu, 01 April 2021

Creepy scene. Great lighting

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bakapo

12:02PM | Thu, 01 April 2021

I didn't find this scene scary or threatening. The boy's posture and face are relaxed, he even looks hopeful and expectant, not troubled. Tan's posture is just watchful but he does look a bit like Severus Snape, here. :)

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jendellas

12:25PM | Thu, 01 April 2021

I agree with bakapo. Bless Jack waiting for hot chocolate & biscuits,

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eekdog

2:42PM | Thu, 01 April 2021

you set such great atmospheres. now I want some hot choc..

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VDH

3:46PM | Thu, 01 April 2021

Great composition, magic scene, nice lighting effect !

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RodS

8:49PM | Thu, 01 April 2021

A great storyboard and glimpse at part of the story. I see what you mean with the light, now you mention it..

If I had a dollar for every time I've rendered a story frame, and said "oops.... this light isn't quite what I had in mind..." I could retire.. Hey, wait.... I AM retired... 😆

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rhol_figament

9:38PM | Thu, 01 April 2021

So Tan, found some blankets, way to be useful bud, sigh. I can see you getting closer and closer to that red shirt, lol... ;)

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starship64

1:31AM | Fri, 02 April 2021

This is fanastic work.

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Radar_rad-dude

10:33AM | Fri, 02 April 2021

I'm sorry to say, but donnena has the market corned on red pixels so a red shirt for tan is out of the question! LOL! Toast to all those red shirted Trekkie victims! Again, lol. A wonderful storyboard you are sharing with us here! I love the evolution as you chart your course through obviously very troubled waters! Always looking forward to the next development(s)! Congratulations on this marvelous addition!!!!!

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JoeJarrah

4:13PM | Fri, 02 April 2021

Nicely done; i see what you mean with the light but only now you mention it, it wasn't my first reaction. The faint touch of colour is very effective, really engaging little scene .

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donnena Online Now!

8:16PM | Fri, 02 April 2021

I'll be happy to send you red pixels if you need them! I certainly don't wanna Bogart them!
But I thought you did your images in black and white because you wanted to.... not due to a pixel strike or boycott, as Bill implied!

Grand image!

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dragongirl

1:55AM | Sat, 03 April 2021

It’s beautiful. I love that one spot of warm color and brightness.

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anahata.c

5:45PM | Mon, 19 April 2021

I have to say, I didn't get any of the negative connotations you were afraid you created here: I got just what you wanted to create. It really comes through to me. And the visual doesn't look as threatening as you feared it might: Tan looks like he's checking in on Jack, and no more. (He also looks like he's doing something else at the time.) The visual has sweet chiaroscuro, and again you use black and white very well. And, again, you have one lamp with color in it. (I wonder if that isn't a visual theme in this story...) The prose runs as smoothly as all your prose---filled with danger, and intimations of terrible places Jack has been. But you manage to clothe it in naturalness and even comfort: Tan, to me, seems like a protective brother. And even if he is a quick in-and-out character (redshirt), he feels very much a stable-izing influence to me. (I can't spell stable-izing...for the life of me...) Jack is almost like a rescue dog: He is fully heartful and human, but has a deep troubled past, and has seen life and death. His almost falling through the opening makes him more poignant to us...


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