Personal Message by anahata.c ()
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I'm turning comments off, just want to say something.
A number of you have asked what's going on, or why I'm still ill, or what those 'procedures' were about, etc. I don't always reveal these things, as I don't want to whine. But I realize that dropping a quick "I had an operation" doesn't say much. And I'm sorry I do that. It leaves everything very casual and unexplained.
Simply put, the last few years I've had a series of health problems I never had in my life. Most of my adult life, I never got ill. But I never considered the effects of my multiple activities, my hours, etc. I was doing several arts many years, built a commercial business while going to grad school, while also trying to maintain a relationship with a woman I was deeply in love with, and seeing family, and getting some time for myself. Doctors told me: If you don't slow down, you'll pay for it down the line.
I'm not complaining, as many of you have been through so much (which I try to acknowledge as much as possible when I'm here). But my health is a fact. Two lovers (girlfriends) passed away after that. I saw several dear friends die young, and I did service for some years (homeless shelters, etc), and I just did too much. I didn't feel any effects, but I was told: It'll catch up with you. And it did.
About 3 years ago, I started getting infections. My arm and shoulders needed work every season. Part of that is simple age. Boils run through my family, but now they grow to massive size in a matter of a day, and they have to be operated on. Why? My defenses are poor. I've had 3 procedures in the last 3 weeks, and while they're not major, they're still exhausting (with fever, etc). When I came here for the 'tank' stuff---something I initiated, btw---I'd just come off a procedure. I wouldn't have come here if I knew it would hurt me: But it's why I have to leave after a few days. That's what that's about.
One other thing (if some of you are getting tired, you don't have to read all this):
I've returned to writing after so many years. And music. They're surging in me like waterfalls, so I have to do them. So I do them---but then take off time. (Then do them again, then take off time...) I haven't posted my most serious writing, as it's very heavy; but you've all been so receptive, maybe I'll post some this year. Memoirs of people passed. memoirs of people I've helped---astonishing stories from veterans, victims of war, extraordinary lives...These have gotten strong responses from editors; maybe it's time to post some. (Well, you've seen some, but there are more.)
All I can say is, each one leaves me emptied---but also fulfilled. And the doctors said: "Do them, we understand: But just accept that you'll get run down from time to time, and you'll have problems. Just stay on top of it." This is why I speak of 'health problems' every few months. They're part of my life now. As long as I monitor them---and allow doctors to help---I'm ok. And rest, and don't do too many things at once.
(I'm vegan, btw---worked out with nutritionists, years back: ((You get protein from legumes and grains.)) So "Jewish Penicillin"---ie, chicken soup---is unfortunately not on the menu. ((Sorry, Mark/wysiwig: I appreciate the suggestion!)) My diet is strong. Just want to say that, in case you think I'm eating badly. I'm on a powerful nutritional regimen too...)
I'm privileged to share in your amazing souls. I don't get sick from being here. I love it. But just as I leave other places from time to time, I have to leave here too. I just want you to know that this place is very special: We come from all over the world, yet, once here, we're family. Via creation. I have creative friends across the globe, but to have a this special group in "one room," so to speak, is very, very special. So I treasure it. It's always a joy to be here, and share your hearts and souls. "It's not the wise who are in heaven, but heaven that is in the wise": There's a lot of heaven here. It's so special.
I've turned off comments because I'm not fishing for sympathy...but at least you'll understand better when I say "I'm having procedures." I hope it's clearer.
Thank you for being so dear! I wish you all a great rest of the week,