November 6th, a tough day by Rainastorm ()
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November 6th, 2008
Anniversary of Justin's accident/health issues
It was in November 2008 (Justin was 16 at the time) his nightmare began. Justin was having a tough time at school and not liking his Graphic Design teacher (a sub because his teacher was on maternity leave) so I thought he was trying to get off school that day, yes stupid of me...so I told him if he was sick the next day then were off to see the Doc since he seemed fine. The next day he was feeling ill and it was showing, so I got him in to see the Doc. There was a P.A. there instead of his Doctor...she gave him a pill for stomach flu. I had a gut feeling I should just take him to the ER and didn't because Justin just wanted to go home and lay down. By that night he was feeling the same but the throwing up had stopped so I thought he was going to be OK. By 4:30 - 5 AM he was acting REAL loopy like he'd been on bad drugs...so we called 911...the Ambulance crew got him loaded up and by this time (it took forever or so it seemed) Justin was semi unconscious it all started happening so fast. When we arrived at the Hospital he was totally unresponsive. It was horrible seeing my kid laying there and nothing I could do...Nurses and Doctors were coming in to do stuff...with that look in their eyes "hes not going to make it"...finally a Doctor told me he had a blood sugar of 1400 for starters and Justin technically should not be with us. From the very start of this Justin has baffled these Doctors and staff. They ordered him to go to Portland or Bangor, I chose Bangor...so off we went to the PICU there...for three months. They told me Justin would not make it through the night after waiting forever in the waiting room. When thy finally let my mom and I in with Justin, I sat there holding his hand the entire night...telling him he can do this, he's going to make it...lets show them you can make it etc...8 AM rolled around...the Doctors were totally shocked Justin was still alive...that was the first time I cried about all this. Inside I will never stopped crying or stopped kicking myself for not getting him to the ER FIRST THING. UGH! Anyways...they stabilized him and diagnosed Justin with Diabetes got him around to where he was responding again, even asking to go to the bathroom but, a few three days in PICU something went wrong. Justin's Kidneys, Heart, and Lungs gave out all at once. Back to square one. "Your son Justin may not make it through the night..." is what I am told this time...instead of will not though make it...he went on tons of machines for his breathing, heart...all of it...his heart was functioning at 24%. Oddly enough the very next day, exactly 24 hours later, he made another totally turn around...his heart was functioning at 75% again. The Doctors has to check patient numbers to make sure it was the same patient...now he is in a coma...while out his heart had stopped for eight minuets causing the brain injury, so now he is on a bunch more machines and med's filling his room full this time. They finally got him to the point of being able to go to Rehab...I'm skipping allot of emotional stuff, It was hard. Just typing this is hard...but Justin is now home, has been since January 16th 2009. We have gone through two Home Nursing care companies. They pissed me off, they just look out for their paycheck, not whats best for my son. The Hospital did put me through tons of training to do all Justin's care including the respiratory stuff...and here we are four years later. Justin's becoming vocal more and more each week, but nothing we can quite understand yet. He blinks to communicate so he can choose his own movies or CD or whatever. He has some really good family and friends who still take time to stop by and check on him...we will get through this one way or another. Right now though I have to stop here, you get the idea. Thank you for your visit to my Gallery. Rose
Image Comments (47)
Dear Rose I know how much you and your family have suffered over the years, and I just want to say please do not ever blame yourself for not getting him to ER sooner, it was not your fault. By the way you describe the earlier conditions everyone would have believed he had some sort of virus, you could not have ever known what was going on really within his body, you are not a medic you are a loving mother. I am so very sorry for your son and what has happened to him, but am praying that slowly but surely he will make more of a recovery as the days go by. Know this that you have many friends here and I for one am always here if ever you want to talk via e-mailing. God bless you, Justin and the rest of your lovely family. gentle hugs and love Jane xx
Well doesn't that whole PA/ PN thing really piss you right the &^%$ off. I won't even let myself get goin on that point. Can feel your pain Rose, can also feel your strength and resolve! This is a fine image of Justin, thumb up with a smile, showing all I'm still alive. There would be such a void if you had lost him 4 yrs ago, stay strong.
Wot a handsome young man! Hang in there hon, ur both doing fantastic n ur both fighters! It takes amazing strength n dedication to do wot ur doing n for Justin to fight the way he's fighting! Celebrate hon.....all the victories u've both achieved, there's a lot of them! Huge Hugs my friend! xxxxxxxxxxxxx
wow,this knocks down rose,but i would say dont be to hard to yourself,i mean in such situations you are like in a movie and you dont act rationally.you tell yourself i should have done this or that,now you have the clear mind to analyze,but never in the situation you have been. i do lots of reproaches to myself as well. about utes daughter. i tell myself if i would have acted in a specific situation different,then she would not have gone out,take drugs,meet her future husband (and murderer) and she might have stayed home,her life would have gone different etc.... but the one can go crazy on that .you did your best in the given situation and there was nothingg anybody else could have done better. keep it up babe and hug jus.
Rose I am so glad you posted this. And let out some of the frustration. God Bless Justin, and I hope he continues to improve, and someday be much better. You have shown your love for him all the way. We can not change the past. Only move forward. Sending big hugs!!
I kick myself as well...I still remember his last audiable words he said before it all happened...they dont give us manuals on how to be a parent and heads up on what to expect...all things considered you have done way more then most parents...well above and beyoned what is exspected...considering your own personal problems that would stop most...you overcome the pain every day and do what is nessasary...he knows how much you love and care for him and I know he has only gotten this far because of you and your caring ways...dont ever belittle your efforts...he will have you to thank when he comes out of this...you have never given up or given in...he is lucky to have you for a mom...I should know...grin...
Oh'Rose, I dont know what to write, it's such a sad story, but it's not your fault sweetie, you are the best mother that dear Justin can have (I'm sure that he knows that), send you a lot of love and strenght to look forward, I always say: The Show must go on!!!
Being a parent of 4 children and reading about your situation I can only say that here's hoping all involved be given the strength to endure as I have been fortunate thus far with my own children and can not comfort you by simply saying I know how you feel as I can not as I stated my children thus far are okay in life to this point.But being a parent I know it has to be tough for you but you seem to have somewhat a handle on your situation and I can only offer you the continued strength you need as time moves forward. My thoughts and prayers for what ever they are worth are with you Rose... ~Smiles~
Beautiful child I really feel for you. I know what a gut punch it is to be told your going to die, as it happened to me. My heart is at 40% and I do OK. When I was younger I dated a woman who child was like you son. He had brain damage from meningitis from a mosquito bite. I know he would talk to me but I could not understand what he wanted or said sadly. His mother could usually figure out what he was saying after a while. It broke my heart to the the frustration in his face that he could not communicate with me. Hang in there Rosey,and stop beating yourself up. I have diabetes too. Luckily never even close to 1400. I saw my heart doctor yesterday and she added nitro to my scripts, and will be testing my heart again to see if I can exercise. Song... because the lead singer is named Justin too. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=fvwp&v=GXHMTuoK060&NR=1
You are the Queen of the mothers ,Rose So happy to see a part of your heart . I was knowing that Justin was a great guy and he is for sure .Realy happy to see him Thanks for all I hope he will like the work i made for him. The important that he feel nice in his heart ((6.5++)) MICHEL
there is nothing one can say to lessen the pain you must feel as a parent, however, there is much in the thoughts and well-wishes of others to strengthrn your resolve should it ever waiver, which I know it will not. I have not personally been through anything like this but I know how I felt when my daughter almost died with a burst appendix. With that in mind I offer my sincere well wishes to you both and hope that you both have the strength and the will to keep fighting and proving those doctors wrong on a daily basis. You know where I am if you need to chat, let off steam or anything else - TC hun.
a family's love can move mountains, change rivers... but most important, can save a life... your love saved Justin's life, your love made him recover... your love is an inspiration to us all... thank you for this post... you are one brave and powerful lady... and it is an honour to know you...
Wonderful dedication to a fine, strong, willful, determined and brilliant lad.. I SHOULD KNOW! Despite your own personal pain, which you bare no matter how much it hurts, you carry on, and care for him and the rest of your kids.. You never care for yourself, I should know.. I have spoke to Justin, he knows what I think.. You know what I think as well.. Time heals.. Never blame yourself Rose, the last place a Mother wants her child is the E.R Unit.. Just carry on doing what you are doing, you make the best nurse a lad could ever want or need.. Rob :-)
Like Mike said earlier, many of us remember when this terrible event began Rose and have been keeping you in our prayers every since that day. I also agree with Rob about not blaming yourself. It is time to put our trust in God and pray for him to help Justin and give strength to his friends and family to be there for him always.
I'm an idiot when it comes to offering comfort Rose... being trained from early childhood to fend off emotions and just move on. I do feel though, and your son's story has always made me so very conflicted and sad. I don't know if I should feel sorrow for how his state or happy that he lives still. You did the same things that any other parent would have done in that situation Rose, you didn't mess up... we can't foretell the future. Never second guess yourself, it is unfair to punish yourself for something that was out of your control. You have a beautiful son and he lives. You have a beautiful spirit and it lives as well.
I remember clearly this happening, and understand just how hard it was and is for you, esp given everything else you have been through, Just reading the page you put up for him, that kind of journal, was heart breathing to read, I bet only a tenth of how you really felt was there. you know I consider you to be a tough cookie and a great mom. Not only to Justin, but the rest of the clan too... Things happen and we dont have a crystal ball to look in to.. you didnt fail. the choice you made were valid and right. the rest as Barry said were out of your control..... I just knew you needed a hug girl
Four years is a long time Rose but it does sound as though Justin is really making progress when he is trying to talk to you. I hope with all my heart that there comes a time when he is able to move and speak freely again. In the meantime you shouldn't be hard on yourself as it is always easy to have hindsight and I think you did everything you could have done at the time and it sounds more like that the medics didn't do their jobs so well. We are all here for you too when you need a shoulder. Hugs.