sackrat's Blog

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10:04 pm

 More on the nature of YAK !
 1 comment(s)

Hello All,......
Yak as in, "oh, look hun, the cat just YAKked all over the new living room carpet." I am now into the 2nd week of round 2 of chemotherapy. Let the healing begin !!! The reason I bring up the subject of YAKKING, is because that's what I've been doing for most of my waking hours these days. Yup,........let the healing begin ! A fellow patient (although, we have taken to calling ourselves "distinguished colleagues" ) went through a mental silliness exercise of seeing how many different terms for the action of vomiting we could come up with,..........To hurl, to barf, to blow chunks, to toss one's cookies, to puke, to drive the porcelain bus, To pray at the porcelain altar, so on etc., to some more obscure offerings, to Ralph, to Linda Blair and to hose down the pavement. There were lot's more,.......They just don't come to mind right now. We, (my distinguished colleagues and I), have even taken to playing cards with some of the "healthcare professionals", yah,........we took an intern for $67 the other night. Yes, we, uhh, I cheated. WHAT ?? Aw c'mon,........he's an idiot !
I have met a very nice woman at the hospital,..........Kate is her name. She's very sick but she has a good prognosis. In spite of all she is going through,.......I believe she is one of the most strikingly beautiful creatures I have ever met. She is 37, single and a very talented musician. She really is quite stunning. Yes,.......a bright spot. I am reminded of the line from the song Game of Love, "sunshine, instead of this cold lonely sea". You think I'm a bit, uhhh,.....smitten,......with this woman don't you ? Yeah, sh*t sherlock,......I am. We have talked at great length about many things. I know where I stand. And it is a pleasant place to be,.........for now. To those who have read this blog,.......thanks for your prayers. OK,......that's enough for now. More in a week or so. Bye.

6:26 pm

  Dealing with adversity.
 5 comment(s)

This is the first time I have ever blogged. Why now ? It is at the suggestion of some of those whom are closest to me and some medical professionals. Exactly 90 days ago I was diagnosed with stage 3 pancreatic cancer. This used to be an automatic death sentence. While thankfully this is no longer the case. It has been touch and go for awhile. Chemotherapy and all the other wonders of modern medical science have been unpleasant in the extreme, and it would seem of questionable benefit. All it has been doing is to fight a holding pattern. All well and good. I was told today(01/13/09) that I may be going against the odds. The tumor has stopped showing signs of responding to the chemo and other efforts. Now to top things off, medical coverage is going to lapse in a short time. Financially, things are tough all over but here in the Shenandoah Valley, things are very bad. I have been unemployed since the second week of chemo. I am left to draw upon my faith, which is unswerving. Once rent is covered and certain other amenities(high speed internet being the one luxury), things are uhh,.......very austere. Oh well,....what the hell, can't eat much anyway and I stopped smoking awhile ago and I have no one else in my life that I have to account for.

I must tell you now things are looking quite bleak. There is no one connected with Renderosity who knows any of this. This place has been one of the bright spots in my days. I come home from chemo and rest for a bit, then I get up and come here and browse the galleries. My God ! I have never seen a more talented group of people assembled in one place in my entire life. There are maybe 3 or 4 people here that I count as close friends, very close. I will address this issue with them on an individual basis. As to the rest,.........if people read this,..........they will know. I have learned so much from you people ! About 3D of course, but also on proper conduct(something that I have always been lacking). If there is anyone who should wish to contact me for any reason,........please,.........I need the contact. I am very alone in this, which sucks big time. You see, when you spend most of your adult life asking people to leave you be,........eventually they do. So, I try to reach out and make what repairs I can ? I dunno,..........I have a very large problem asking for help or letting people in. Hey if you don't let people in, don't get hurt. Anyhow,......I will continue this blog as long as I have the capabilities and inclination.

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