Only 33% of them. The Xyprickiarn religion always discourages more than 1/3 interference in anything (especially when it comes to other species' affairs), and they're pretty vicious about enforcing it. But then, they've always been pretty obsessed with  thirds.

I have an idea though - let's see if we can generate some crazy rumors and speculations on our own as well. I'll start.

 

You see DAZ got a new CEO for a very good reason: the fate of huanity depended on it. Dan Farr was called away by a cabal which consists of NASA, the ESA, the porn industry, and the MPAA.

I really don't want to shock you gents out there, but it must be said: It seems that humanity is running low on bimbos. No, really. It began with China's One Child policy,which tended to produce more baby boys than girls, affecting 1/4 of humanity's supply of chicks in the first place, and coupled with Mao's strict gender equality diktats, began eating away at the supply of bimbos severely.

At first it was no big deal - it's just China, right? Well, then the like of Gloria Steinem arose, and the whole feminist movement arrived. Even then, we all figured, again, no cause for alarm... lots of ditzy bimbos around, and the feminist movement appeared at first to be an easy way to rectify the problem, because now we can get all the free and easy sex we wanted, and the chicks all thought they were liberating themselves by giving it away without the requirement of a wedding ring or courtship (seriously, when J. Edgar Hoover first came up with that at the 1962 Illuminati Convention, we all thought he was hitting the scotch again. But I gotta tell you, that bastard's a friggin' genius! I still owe him $10 over that.) 

But then the 80's came around... women just weren't giving it away like they used to. Cocaine helped stave off the inevitable for awhile, but the writing was on the wall. The whole AIDS thing just hammered a lid on it, and the supply of bimbos simply dried up. I mean, yeah, sure - the chicks came to their senses eventually and began to give it away again, but by then they were only doing it because their biological clock was clanging after being put on snooze for over a decade, and the three remaining ova each one had were screaming to be fertilized. Seriously - sex is way better when the chicks aren't whispering baby names afterwards while sobbing in the dark. Kinda hard to kick 'em out at that point, yanno? And by then, the poison was affecting every young generation. 

But we tried... we really tried. But damn; getting the pretty young things to cough it up has been getting progressively tougher and tougher to do. Not even bankrolling and producing Jersey Shore could crack that armor. It was finally a few years ago, when Obama called, begging for a solution. It was getting to the point where even he wasn't able to get any on the side. Figures the government would only want to step in when they can't benefit any more... So I call up Dan. Got him and the President together. 

 

The solution is drastic, but it just might work:

We've got a colony on Mars now. We've been growing our own martian bimbos. Sometimes we'll import a few back to Earth as seeds of sorts... sometimes it goes right (Lady Gaga and Miley Cyrus stand out), and sometimes it goes horribly wrong (like that time we brought Britney Spears back to replace the clone that's been using to hold her place all these years). 

It's been hit or miss for awhile, but I think now with Dan on board, I think we'll be able to pull it through. In fact, I'm sure we will. We have to. We have no other choice. Humanity depends on it.

Well... I've spilled it. I'm sure the NSA has picked up the post by now, and they'll be by to take care of business, to tie up their new loose end. I think I'll go out to the balcony now, and have one last glass of brandy befo- aww, crap. The helicopters are coming. I gotta g*$@#!I*FNfwqapu732149ROEQQ)TREI()#! NO CARRIER