Ah, NOW I understand - sorry Shante, I am not a native speaker and the english thesaurus is not as extensive as the german. Many, many words in english have so many different meanings where we have one for each meaning (but still not as much as asian people).

Driven, yes, he indeed is. He is even a bit too driven, the type of person who takes two steps at once, who uses to run where others walk. Not being able to do this is hard for him but on the other hand this is the goal he longs for. Each time we talk there is a new goal, things he want to do as soon as possible. Jumping, running, today he talked about boxing again (just the fitness part, fighting is taboo now of course), being able to drive a car, a motorbike, most of all: Coming home and picking up work again. He so much longs for his 3d-work meanwhile. And whatever the trainers offer to reach these goals: He does it and they even have to cut his enthusiasm off because he is too exhausted on some days. So THIS is not the problem. If there is any problem it's a kind of impatience.

@Thalek: You wrote

Worse, my handicap is clinical depression, so it's invisible.  And there are a lot of people who feel that depression is something you can just "be a man" and get over it.  It isn't.

This reminded me on something. I am a big fan of the german bass-baritone Thomas Quasthoff. Beside his incredible voice I was always impressed by his personality. He is damaged by Contergan and really handicaped. That didn't keep him from becoming one of the greatest opera and Lied singers. I once heard an interview with him where he said: I am very lucky with my handicap as it is obvious and clearly visible. It's far more problematic to have an invisible handicap.

That made me think... he is right! The fewer is visible on the outside the more you have to explain and the more you find people that will tell you that it just needs some effort to get over it. But one thing is true: The older we get the more "dents" we get through illness, bad experiences, accidents and so on. In the end really every person has the one or other disease. Even those that told you to get over it just by the power of your will. So these people where either lucky so far or they are plain ignorant. Stigma is something (and this picks up what Shate says) OTHERS give you. Stigma is something these ignorant people give you. Are they really so important? Would you change your hairstyle or dressing style because they tell you to do it (or, if you don't they call you a rocker/gay/punk/goth/fashion-victim/whatever)? You won't, right?

I found that you get lots of freedom and peace of mind if you always ask yourself if this person is worth to be worried about his impression of yourself.  Most people aren't that ignorant, I found that most people are very nice if you freely tell them what ails you and that you need help. I get easily puzzled when I leave my home, it can reach the level of panic. And so I tend to loose track on where to leave the bus and such things. I learned to simply say to some nice looking person: Sorry, I am unsure where I have to leave the bus. I want to go to the railway station. Never, really never, someone refused to say: You have to leave the bus after two more stations. Most of them even press the button for me that makes the busdriver stop. And not one single time I left the bus without getting a smile and a nice farewell.* *

 

What I want to say: Beside the process when applying for help you will not have to make yourself "barenaked" when needing help. Simply say: Sorry, I have problems with this and that and only very rude persons will refuse to help you. And if you ever meet such a rude person just shake your head and ask the next person. These rude and/or ignorant people are not worth a single thought or second look - so they are not really able to hurt you, they can only make you angry. You can only be hurt by either people you like or by those with a higher authority (unfortunatly - but your lucky, there's always someone with an even higher authority ).* *

Okay, this was completely and fully off topic - but I had to get this off my heart as it worries me that pretty dumb and silly persons are able to keep others from getting help just by pointing with fingers on "that hadicaped person there". Please, don't care about them at all. As said: you won't care about them if they tell you what clothes you have to wear. In fact you wouldn't even listen to them.* *

 

Oh and yes: This sounds all very tranquil and such. In fact I VERY often make what we call a fist in the pocket. But I learnt to leave this behind and focus on the next best thing and friendly person. Most of all because I've learnt that the biggest stigma at all is if you meet someone (in other words: a plain rude and ignorant person) and a person beside you whispers: Be careful, this person is a real bastard! I can tell you: This is indeed a stigma that sticks to persons like pitch!

 

I'm not always right, but my mistakes are more interesting!

And I am not strange, I am Limited Edition!

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