by: Lady Gwenhwyfar Llywelyn (destinyzchylde@Writing.Com)
In the twilight hours I am lost. My wayward mind is lost to understanding such that is unknown to me. I am unwilling to face what I cannot grasp. I surrender instead to what my mind can adhere too. Perhaps I do regret such an action but I am helpless. Rather I have lost hope. It is not too much to ask for redemption from one’s own faults. Yet it is likewise unworthy to expect such. We each grapple within ourselves our own motives. Mayhap we perchance glean a semblance of such but who are we to say it’s just. I just as any other choose my path rather for good or bad. Yet who is to proclaim besides the biblical references what is good or bad by deed and or otherwise. We live in a world fighting to control the inhabitants yet denying freewill exists. Instead it’s overlooked or shunned. To adhere to what is expected is supposed to be our goal. What if the goal is too limited and lends to more questions than answers. I do not have the answers to such a dilemma but I can ask why it must be so. I struggle each day to achieve what is expected of me but I also must give away a part of myself in doing so. The question I ask is why one has to give up all they must deem desirous to console another in the end. An answer will never be given satisfactorily to such a question. Instead I must resolve that it is a lesson taught rather than learned. As a child we are in semblance taught right from wrong rather biblical based or not. We then choose to follow the laid out plan or we balk at such limits and deny such as dramatizing. I speak only for myself. I only know that limiting myself to what has been ordained as right or wrong only leads to my own lack of self worth. I can adhere to the ordinances preordained yet I can wonder furthermore the silence that ensues. Where does the right from wrong begin and end. Is it human made so that we seem to follow a path? Or rather are we preordained to wander the plane of uncertainty?
I can only answer for myself. I prefer to wander aimlessly scenario. The reason I choose such is rather psychological or intellectual however you deem it to be in the end. To explain such is to try to rationalize what is before one’s own eyes yet striving to achieve much more. More questions ensue rather than answered. For you see I can only glimpse what lies before mine own eyes and as an encyclopedia endeavor to recompense. An encyclopedia holds within its pages the past and present and as mankind evolves changes rather better or worse. Endeavoring to explain such has led me I believe into a circle of my own demise. For in trying to explain I have become wayward in thought. In the end though I hope to have explained that though we each may tread different paths and wander, we are united in doubts.
Some believe that if you follow the path set forth by religion or decreed you will be blessed by such and in the end understand. Yet I however think we were meant to evolve past such and wonder. For if we wonder what lies beyond the plans set forth by any religion we indeed can than perceive change. The stars lie above us in remembrance not to be awed but to rather help us grasp that we are not alone in a universe of turmoil. When I close my eyes at night I daydream of whatever thoughts were last on my mind and sometimes they become jumbled. Yet when I awaken I am at rest in mind if not body. My body may have limitations but my mind dwells forth and even if all is lost temporally I still in mind am not forgotten till all whom knew me no more resides. Now that is a thought worthy of any to ponder is it not?
I write this as my mind is in thoughtful repose and as such I hope to disclose more in the end. For now however I must relax my mind and strive once more to regain composure.
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