Earnest finished pouring water and kicking dirt on the campfire, then scrambled up next to seraphim on the small cart.
"So if you don't mind me asking, what happened actually?"
Seraphim didn't answer imedeatly and they rode in silence for a while.
"I haven't spoken of it for a long time to another person, and really donÃ¢ï¿½ï¿½t know where to start."
"The Beginning" replied the Scribe.
"Well, this is what my mother told me. It starts with my father Arishem Greyswandir. Born in the far lands beyond the great deserts to the southeast. He was the bastard son of a Moorish princess, from the southern Egyptian-Moor city-state of Einer, and a Grecian Praetorian Guardsman from the northern Greek-Roman city-state of Oresta. Rival powers, each controlling a vast territory with populations of close to a million people. Upon the discovery of her condition by her parents she was sent away, as she was now a disgrace to the royal family. Arishem was raised well though, and proved to be a bright student. He also had a talent with the sword. He had one problem, a burning desire to prove himself to his estranged family. And this is what drove him most of his life. At the age of 17 he left his mother to find a way to prove his worth. For many years he wandered many lands, had many adventures, and doing as much good as he could...My mother used to tell me such stories of my father battling monsters and evil creatures and so..."
Seraphim laughed aloud and turned to Earnest. "Do you know on my Fathers very first adventure...a town was being plagued by a evil cleric who was using this old castle dungeon as a stronghold, and he and his minions would raid and attack the town at will. So my father and a few of his companions took the challenge of liberating the town. His companions were headed through the entrance when Arishem stopped them from going in and instead lead them around to the back to where they found a secret entrance. Going in that way they were able to ambush the wicked monk, killing him first, which dishearten his followers and made the destruction of their vile sect much easier."
"Hmmm, Your father was a good man. Please continue..."
"A good Man, true but he had a chaotic nature, a wild streak.
That got only worse when he found out that his father the Praetorian Guardsman
was 1st cousin to the ruler of Oresta, and would not acknowledge him. Nothing was able to tame his inner daemons then...until he met my mother."
"Ahh, beautiful was she?"
"Kara was very pretty, but not beautiful in the classical sense.
She had fierce inner strength, and wit and charms enough to soften the most callus, hardened man.
My father saw her in the forest around the plains of Ard, a most dangerous place far to the west of the coastal city-states. She was hunting deer, a stag, A magnificent beast. My father told her that was when he fell in love with her, as he watched her dress her kill."
"Was she royalty?"
" No, she was a Moorish farmers daughter, a commoner."
"She never noticed Arishem watching from the distance, as she was so intent at her task. He followed her home, and promptly introduced himself to her family. And his intent to marry their daughter. To wit she said No. She was the eldest of three children and had no older brothers, so the responsibility of running the farm fell to her and she did not want to leave them. This didn't change my fathers mind one bit, He packed up his wealth and belongings, bid his mother and friends farewell, and moved near to the plains of Ard to be near his Love. There was a small mixed community nearby of 300 or so strong willed and fiercely independent settlers, and they had formed themselves into a small band of fighters to protect themselves from the wild things."
"Uhhmmm, Seraphim? The wild things?"
"You know, the orcs, goblins, and such, things that roam freely in wilderness places."
"Ahh the wild things."
Jan 25, 2010 5:05:26 amby JOELGLAINE Homepage »
You need to turn your IBL down, or raise your shadows to 1 or something. No one should be able to see inside the Orc's mouths. Pretty cool scene. It's very classical seeming. It's well done, but seems only interested in conveying a story in a very distant way that pushes the reader away from the story teller. Is the Seraphim male or female? Is the scribe named Earnest? It has a historical feel to it, as if it happened thousands of years ago, but lacks an emotional hook that draws the reader in. It did convey information, but seemed a bit dry.