Life is a bicht and then... we die!
That's a setence I never used before...probably because I never thought it was my own...lately things are different.
I'm back in my country of origin, not for fun but for helping my mom and brother.
My mom has start with odd synptoms around 2005 - but it was light stuff some change in her mood and everyday behavior. Later on in 2007 I saw some big change to worst these synptoms. Finally in 2010 she starts to call me crying and asking me to come back to Rio de Janeiro and help her for 1 or 2 years only. She said she was not well, but could not express what it was.
I decide to pack few things and come to visit her. When I arrived I got a chock. Her home was very dirt, the walls were looking like half demolished the windows wont open or close - the smell of dirt was everywhere. She was full of small spots all over the legs and arms and in the head were like 'eggs' 3 of it and she said it was very painful. She had moments of not knowing my name or even reconizing me as her daughter.
I rushed her to the dermatologist to find out was lack of hygiene. Probably alone she forget to bath. Her the skin was with hundreds of colonies of 'things' that need to treat and finally cure. So that was in Nov.16/2010.
Today; Feb.12/2012 89% of all that is solved.
She's clean, bath and wash the hair everyday, use clean clothes. The apartment was rebuild almost from scratch since the situation was really bad. Today looks great and clean and fresh.Now the final act is to rent out and move to another place where we 3 can live. A bigger place.
My brother has Schizophrenia for around 38 years and used to depend 90% on my mom. Nowadays both are under my care.
It has being too much for my shoulders, to much to bare. I'm very sad for my mom. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease.
Doctors says she in the early stages. What is quite light they say. I do not agreed. I'm with her 24 /7 and the symptoms/reactions are light to severe. Depending on the day. Some are ok and some are pretty bad.
She's taking strong medicines and helps a lot to care for her in everyday basis - otherwise she's very violent and lost into herself.
My brother is very sweet but the sickness is a big issue to bare. Today at his age the cognitive system is quite deteriorate and much harder for him to leave alone.
Due to medicines taken under these years has damaged quicker the system in my brother's body.
Not a easy task for me. Alone with no help from the others in the family since all people around takes it's my obligation and no one else.
I'm taken twice a week therapeutic sessions with a psychologist to help me to bare the situation.
I'm now away from my work-computer and using only my notebook which is too light in performance to work with Poser. So no Poser until I move with then for a bigger place and probably outside Rio since Rio de Janeiro has today one of the most expensive way of living! Everything here is more expensive then elsewhere. Rents and even food are quite over the prices.
So I'm renting out what we have here and moving elsewhere to pay less and have a better income. This Alzheimer's disease is very expensive to treat. There's no way to treat for less but to treat.
guess what..I do too Am reading...does it makes a change? NO
no it's not my priority- just that it's not fair to treat people differently.
It's also not a big trouble, I never said that...it's a big issue to the community to have treat people differently.
Only my point of view-from a distant land where we do struggle.still, to be all equals..all with same rights..
Being here since long ago, at Renderosity- I feel that more time pass by more this place has become a political site: art and politics.
Just like in the real world. Where galleries accept your canvas or installation if you're part of the 'group'... the group of people who says what is art what is not.
The group that rules the critiques and galleries and doing so obvious the market!
Being a virtual space it would be nicer if this space became a free-space for artists or wannabes..just because in the other side it's already like that and why not be once true for art's sakes?
Well my voice is weak..I know..I do really. Being work in an Arts Faculty makes one quite aware of the fragility of the issue.
Seeings the art students every day struggling to get a place in the 'art scenario' makes one very aware of the political issue transgressing the art landscap.
Artistically they do manage to survive,
Our space here isn't the same?
Favorites are always privileged and will be like that forever..
I'll not talk about that anymore, since the years have teach me to accept what is..sometimes I like to fight establishment just for rightness..but...well
shut up is better...
low profile is always better than anything else..I leave for the younger to fight..my time probably is due!
since no one reads here, since no one cares..I do!
well I have to write this somewhere..can't do it via Forum..they delete it right away.No this or no that..
Discussion about nudity thumbs versus total nudity in Marketplace. well about double moral that is what it's.
Some can do, some can't. Why?
Money runs...politics all the way together.
No, I'm not against money and power...just against it when it hurts me!
I upload a thumb with a banner over the nude body where it said 'are you over 13?' in about 30 min. the thumb and all the rest had disappeared. In a bit more an email arrived to my box 'I took off your thumb because is prohibited to have a banner..etc..'I go to read the TOS.
Same day and many days after..(actually today too)
you can see and comment images from several thumbs that have exactly the same approach. A banner or blur or else over the nudity.
Does anyone bother? I don't think so.
Only that: some can do some can't..
As they have a say here, at the faculty's secretary's door: 'you shut up! or I'll bring democracy to your country!' ;)
Today…almost end of the working week...tired...but better from the flu.
Actually the only thing that bugs me now is the cough. Still and its embarrassing walk around with that terrible cough/ noise... sometimes it sounds like I have 6 cats inside of me..meow… meow..
Aside that all the rest is coming back to normal.
Lots of work waiting for me to come back and execute then… ;)
My desktop is having some strange features. Not very sure what is it. Since that machine is not connected to internet it’s only for making art etc.. crashes and freezes. I’m using all the time 3 external disk with it. Only I do shut off then every time I shut the computer. So I’ll not expend a fortune in electricity as it happened in the beginning.
I post in the forum about it. Maybe some DataGuru can tell me how do I fix that.
Trying to start to feel like to learn Cinema 4D. We have it in several Mac machines at the job so I got to learn it. Today I try but felt a bit in despair. It’s a horrible interface.
Let’s see how I will mange that.
Reason is that I got to learn how to make clothes etc.. for the models. Stop to buy stuff that is costing me toooo much!
Until today, I got the Broadband as ADSL and it’s my home phone just active for that reason. In the end of the story I pay too much for some few hours the use of it. 28Mbit sec, it’s quite nice! Point is that I only use it about max. 96 hours a month. Most I’m at the job ;(( got home and do not use much…got to work next day …week ends mostly..
Another problem is that my friends in TOTAL complot are making a huge argument against my hours in the computer. ‘you don’t go out as before…you are never in any party…you’ve became very egoistic person..and so on…
I decide to get me a mobile service for my mobile phone and same time my laptop (which is hooked on me all day). Guess what? In that country of min…Sweden.. there’s no such service integrated in one!
I have to buy a mobile broadband services for the laptop from one company a signature for mobile phone from another and also another signature for mobile broadband services to my mobile phone from another. End of the day I will pay like 4 times more than I pay today for broadband services that give 28 Mbit sec. a phone signature (I never use, only to call international. I use the mobile phone for local!)
I’m so disappointed. We’re still living in caves.
15 LOOOONg days of FLU!
Gosh! I believe it was a century I had a flu! Now in the almost end o winter I cached one of those bastard little bugs that put you down in your knees asking to died quickly!
!5 days in the bed hardly breathing and sneezing, cough like a miserable animal.
Saturday today getting better because it's time.
Monday got back to work.
I had some nice comments in my works shown here.
I bit disappointed ...Renderosity is not what use to be.
Well maybe I walked in in other galaxies..don't know...but before people only comment a really GOOD work - you ought to be a master or something like that to get a comment in your pic.
Nowadays lots of politics, like a group that goes and comes always the same. Not because you got a really good work but because you're part of the 'group'...
that's not my cup pf tea...but I had so many times the 'same old visitor' saying the 'old same stuff' that I got to do something.
Hope I were polite, hope people (that matters to me, people that do a really good, serious work) could understand in between the lines.
Not an easy task since I'm know as anti-social, anti-politeness, anti-diplomatic and many more anti... he he he not that I liked but I were born like that.
Gosh, in everyday as every day really do I care for that? Guess I sudentlly became philosopher or something...got fever I guess...